


Q's First Day on the Job

by LadyRa



Series: The Love Affair of Willoughby Holmes and James Bond [3]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-08
Updated: 2014-10-08
Packaged: 2018-02-20 10:34:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2425553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyRa/pseuds/LadyRa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Q's first day on the job and James overslept.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Q's First Day on the Job

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my betas: Annie and Susan, the typo bashers! Not Brit-picked yet, but I didn’t want to wait for it. I’ll edit later! I chose to stick with American spelling, though, so that's on me.

Of all days to oversleep! It was all James could think about as he threw on a suit, taking a criminally short period of time to make sure he looked acceptable, and ran out the door.

Willoughby had taken a cab home after their potentially disastrous dinner and crime solving spree with Sherlock and John. James hadn't been happy about it, but Willoughby had insisted. He was starting work the next day, needed to sleep, and James would be a distraction.

James had gotten a lovely and very distracting kiss out of him before he'd fled out of Sherlock's apartment and called for a cab, which had instantaneously appeared.

"It's a Holmes sort of magic," John told him as they'd watched Willoughby's cab drive out of view. "There's always a cab when Sherlock raises his hand. It drives me mad. Come on, maybe the two of us can find one for you." 

It had taken ten minutes for one to stop.

James was glad he liked John so much, as it kept him from sulking. He was much too old and experienced to sulk.

As he got into his cab, John patted his shoulder. "Don't worry about it too much. Willoughby's clearly besotted with you. It's just that the Holmes all march to the beat of their own drums. We're just lucky it sometimes beats in time with ours, yeah?"

James grinned at the man before getting settled and giving his address to the cab driver. Thank God for John Watson, was all he could think, as he watched the city go by on his way home. For a moment, he thought about going to Willoughby's, sure he could kiss his way in, but decided he'd rather let Willoughby do whatever he needed to fortify himself for his first day.

*****

Despite Willoughby's words, James had meant to get in early, but he hadn’t even gotten up on time, and he’d glared at his phone, quite sure he hadn’t adjusted his alarm. Then he remembered Willoughby had handled his phone last night under some pretense and had no doubt arranged it so that James wouldn’t be hovering.

Because it was true that James had had every intention of hovering. He wanted to be there for Willoughby in case anyone got out of hand, because while James knew how competent Willoughby was, most of Q Branch did not. And the ones that did might hold a grudge for being shown up so badly by Willoughby high-jacking their lines and taking over missions.

He took a cab so as to not lose any time to parking and got through the security check, biting back curses at every second’s delay. As soon as he was through, he could sense an air of excitement in the hallways, as if everyone was sharing some incomparable bit of gossip.

"They took him away in handcuffs!" one woman was saying to another; Bond thought she worked in HR.

The other woman gasped. "That nice young man?"

James' brain stuttered to a stop. They could not possibly be talking about Willoughby. 

"You should have seen the expression on the quartermaster's face," the first woman said. "It was like he didn't even care."

Fuck. There was no way Mycroft would allow something like this to happen. What had Willoughby done? He raced for Eve's office, determined to get the information he needed from a reliable source. On the way more snippets of information made their way to his ears.

"He broke into everyone's computers…"

"Did you know he was the world's foremost hacker?..."

"I heard he hacked into the Pentagon…"

"Brian told me he congratulated him on his scores on Angry Birds…"

"All I know is I wouldn't kick him out of bed…"

That made James pause, and he took a moment to see who was speaking so he could kill her later. He didn't know what her name was but he committed her face to memory, and whatever expression he wore made her blanch and scurry away. Good, he thought angrily to himself.

He made it up to Eve's area in record time and pushed through the door. Eve was laughing and, for a moment, James saw red, remembering how she'd done her best to humiliate Willoughby. If she was finding Willoughby being taken away in handcuffs amusing, she wouldn't be laughing for long.

"Oh, James, you have missed the most amazing morning."

"What the fuck, Eve?" James hissed at her. "What happened? I heard he got taken away?"

She blinked at him but then laughed again. "Oh, not Willoughby, one of the Q techs, name of Tom Crowellsworth."

James stared at her, took a deep breath and blew it out, taking a moment to allow his relief to push his fear away. "Tell me?"

"Sit."

M came out of his office and just shook his head when he saw James. He handed a form to Eve. "Another memo from Q," he said tightly.

She read it quickly and barely managed not to laugh. Probably a good thing considering M’s frustrated expression. "He does have a way about him, doesn't he? What would you like me to do with this? Am I buying what he wants?"

"Yes, but through one of our suppliers. Maplin, indeed," M grit out and stalked away.

James grabbed the memo from Eve and read it.

"Dear M,   
After doing a complete inventory on all of the equipment in Q branch, it has come to my attention that everything is hopelessly outdated. I took the liberty of comprising a list of the components I'll need to continue to aid in the successful completion of her Majesty's missions. Next to each item is the price on the Maplin webpage. I'm sure Mycroft would be glad to throw some budget dollars your way. Please let me know if you would like me to speak with him on your behalf.   
Yours, Q."

What followed was a very, very long list with a bottom line price of over a quarter million pounds. James coughed in response, as if he'd just taken a sip of a very expensive whiskey and it had gone down the wrong way.

"I love the 'yours, Q' the best, I think," Eve said. "If M survives this day, we'll have the most extraordinary tech branch of any agency and country in the world. I think it's why he hasn't fired Willoughby yet. He knows it, too."

"Who got taken away in handcuffs?" James asked, weakly handing the memo back to Eve, astonished at Willoughby's chutzpah. "I mean, what happened?"

"When Willoughby arrived early this morning, he hacked into every computer in Q branch-- something he is actually allowed to do although no quartermaster has ever done it-- to assess their skill level at anything from games to, oh, well, I really have no idea, but he was in there rooting about, drawing conclusions about all his employees. Apparently good old Tom has been selling secrets to the enemy, someone named Sebastian Moran, and all the proof was just sitting there on his laptop. So his first order of the day was to have him arrested and taken away for questioning. Apparently Mr. Holmes, senior, is handling that."

Still standing at this point, James reached behind him for a chair and lowered himself down, his brain skittering around in disbelief. "What else happened?" He was almost afraid to ask. 

"Apparently your little angelic-faced Willoughby is the world's most infamous hacker, and I suspect only his older brother, again, has kept him from being awash in wanted posters. That little fact has, needless to say, made most of the minions in Q branch swoon, and they became instant thralls. With a few exceptions." Eve handed James another memo.

"Dear Eve,   
I will need your advice on how best to transfer people out of my department without getting sued. I have very little experience in this. I suspect there will be at least three people who will find that my style of leadership will conflict strongly with their expectations that they can sit at their desk and do nothing most of the day. I can prove the doing of nothing. Computers tell tales even more than dead men. By the way, James told me again that he loved me last night. Just in case you were curious.   
Yours, Q."

James barked out a surprised laugh, glancing up to see that Eve had found it equally amusing. 

"He's a prat," Eve said, "but I like him."

"As long as you don't like him too much," James warned. "Will he have problems getting rid of these three?"

"No," Eve said. "I know their names now, and I've already started the process. Even the old Q had little positive to say on their yearly evaluations. Dead weight more than anything else."

Starting to enjoy himself, James allowed himself to fully relax and sat back. "What else?"

Eve handed over another memo. "This was the first one M saw. I thought he was going to have a stroke."

"Dear M,   
I have added several consultants to the roster in Q Branch. If you were to look closely, you might discover that these consultants may or may not be well-known hackers. If they were, they might be periodically attempting to hack into Q Branch so that the Q Branch staff will garner some experience on how to rebuff an attack. They have all promised me not to do any harm and, as they are well aware that I can destroy them all, I believe them.   
Yours, Q."

That one got James laughing out loud. God, he loved this man. "I adore him." He looked up at Eve. "I'll be telling him that later on. He might tell you about it tomorrow."

She sighed. "Yes, yes, I am well aware of the fact that the two of you are an unbreakable item. That's not to say that you won't have a lot of competition. Most of Q Branch, as I said, are already swooning over him. Every double-O in town has swung by to check him out, and they're all walking around with stars in their eyes. Apparently he is determined to bring them all home alive from every mission, and he was quite impassioned about it. He said, and I quote: There is no ego in Q Branch, just the satisfaction of a job done exquisitely well. Unquote."

James knew it would be exquisitely well done. He'd expect nothing less from Willoughby. "It'll be good to have an opportunity to brush up on my boxing techniques," James said, unconcerned about his competition. It was quite remarkable to have such faith in someone, especially given his record with this sort of thing. Maybe it was Mycroft's and Sherlock's belief in Willoughby's obsession with him that made it seem so very real. In any event, James knew that he was it for Willoughby, and all of Eve's comments just made him smug. On the other hand, if any of them tried to touch him, he would kill them, lowly Q Branch tech or Double-O. He was sure Mycroft could get him off of any charges.

"You're quite sure of him, aren't you?" Eve asked.

"Yes, I am," James said, letting his smugness show.

"Lucky dog."

"Yes, I am," James said again. "So what else has our new quartermaster been up to this morning?"

She held out another memo.

He grinned. "You've just been printing these out to show me, haven't you?"

"Absolutely. This has been the most entertaining day I've had since I started here."

"At least you didn't say it was the most entertaining day you've had since you shot me," James said.

"Oh, my God, don't tell Willoughby I shot you. He'll kill me." She looked actually worried about it.

"I love that he's been here less than a half day and everyone is cowering in fear," James said with satisfaction. Hopefully it would mean that less people would attempt anything that would get them killed by James. He reached for the memo with glee.

"Dear M,   
Upon further examination, I do not think the amount of satellite coverage is sufficient to support our agents while they are on missions for Queen and Country. Perhaps we could discuss strategies at our first meeting. I launched a satellite of my own when I was twelve which is still quite capable, even by today's standards, and I would be happy to use it for the good of MI6 if you approve.   
Yours, Q."

"When he was twelve?" James gasped on a laugh.

"The fact that it isn't obsolete is what frightens me," Bill Tanner said, having come out of his office. "If he was that far ahead of the technology game at that time, then he's probably two decades ahead of anyone now." He grinned wryly at James and Eve. "I'm very glad he's on our side."

"And here’s the last one," Eve said, grinning back at Bill, handing the last memo over to James. "I dearly hope I get more. I feel as if I should start a scrapbook." She spread her hands as if imagining the cover. "Willoughby's First Day."

James couldn't wait to get his hands on Willoughby and kiss him senseless. It was his new favorite thing to do. He glanced down at the last memo.

"Dear M.   
As I know it is against policy, I thought I should advise you that I have installed several games on the laptops in Q Branch. I believe that many skills honed through the use of computer games are transferable over to the successful completion of missions and supplying our agents with the pertinent information that they need. Do not worry about the cost. I am well-acquainted with most major game designers as I am often asked to beta the games before they are released to the public, and they gladly let me have them for free. And, as they know I can destroy them, they have promised to make sure they are all virus free. Of course, I also checked for viruses myself.  
Yours, Q."

James snickered. "Do not worry about the cost."

"I know," Bill said. "Too bad he didn't send this to M after the other one where M almost had a stroke over the cost he did have to worry about. Also, M isn't too thrilled over the fact that Q has the capacity to wreak havoc with everyone and everything. He's a weapon of mass destruction, and M knows it."

That was very true. No one was safe from Willoughby, and MI6 had had no idea they'd had a sleeping tiger in their midst. They were lucky that Willoughby was, whilst bloodthirsty, essentially a very nice man. “Better to have him working for us than for somebody else,” he pointed out, and neither Eve nor Bill argued with him.

"Ooh, wait, here comes another one," Eve said with a wicked grin. She read it and frowned. "Not very exciting, unfortunately. He wants all the Double-O agents to come down and get measured for their new palm-coded weapons. I guess you won't be the only one to have the cool toys, James," she teased.

James was a little miffed about that, but he said, "He'll make me other cool toys. I have no doubt." Not that it mattered. He'd have Willoughby, after all. Quite the consolation prize. He stood. "I guess I’d better get down there and check in."

"Already worried about the Double-Os moving in on Willoughby?" she teased again.

"Q, please," Bill said sternly. "While he's in our employ as the Quartermaster, his name is Q, and any other name is classified."

Duly chastened, Eve said, "Worried about Q getting swept off his feet? I hear 003 and 009 have been there most of the morning. He's used them several times to clarify points he wanted to make."

James wasn't sure why W…Q wasn't using James that way. In any case, he would go make himself available. He didn't bother responding to Eve's taunts. She knew better, and she knew he knew better. Sour grapes, he thought with a small grin. With a casual salute toward Bill and Eve, James headed down to Q Branch. 

On his way he still listened to the gossip but now he had the proper context for everything being said. It was much less nerve-wracking this time around. When he arrived, he was surprised that he had to push his way into Q Branch; Eve had been right about the fact that Q had an audience. He saw Alec and made his way to him.

"Where the hell have you been?" Alec growled at him.

"Wi…Q shut off my alarm," James groused in return.

"Didn't want Daddy watching?" Alec said with a wink.

"Shut up," James said. He was still annoyed he hadn't been here. "First thing I heard when I got here was that someone had been taken away in handcuffs; I thought it was him."

Alec snorted. "More like he'll be abducted for a shotgun wedding. I've had to intervene twice when would be suitors got a little carried away, including 003."

"Did they touch him?" James hissed.

"Not in any way that deserves a killing. Take it down a notch."

James practiced breathing steadily for a minute. Then he took the next minute to watch Q. He was in his element, demonstrating something for the masses, several of the techs standing a bit too close. Only the fact that he could take them all out with one arm blow kept him standing where he was. Q was gorgeous like this. He was gorgeous every way, of course but…well, the truth was he was always gorgeous, and here was just further proof.

"You look smitten, James," Alec teased.

"I am smitten and happily so." He was tempted to just make his way up to the front where Q was speaking to stake his claim publicly, but decided he'd leave it up to Q whether to keep things private or public. At that exact moment Q's phone began to ring, the soundtrack to Jaws ringing through the room, the ominous tones that preceded a shark attack.

Q looked up sharply, eyes scanning the room until his eyes met James’. "You didn't?"

"I did," James said with a smile. He'd changed Mycroft's ringtone last night as, apparently, Willoughby had been turning off his alarm.

Beaming at James, Q raised his finger, excusing himself and going into his office, closing the door. James wondered what havoc he'd be doing on Mycroft's behalf while behind those closed doors. Deciding he'd find out, he pushed his way through the throngs and, ignoring all the stares, some curious, some decidedly frosty, helped himself to Q's office.

Q smiled at him, not minding at all as James moved behind him to see what was on Q's large monitor, and taking the liberty of a neck nuzzle followed by a quick nibble before refocusing on the screen. He was interested to see a map of India and East Asia on the screen, similar to the areas he and Mycroft had been looking at in M's office. James had neglected to get that story out of Q, and he made a note to himself to correct that sooner than later. 

"Thank you, Willoughby, or I suppose I must call you Q now, mustn't I," Mycroft said in his posh tones.

"Yes, you must," Q said, sounding very pleased about it.

"Yes, well, you and your Mr. Crowellsworth have been very helpful today. Good work. I shall pass this information over to M. Please keep us apprised of any updates. But be careful, Q, Moran has as many tentacles as Moriarty did, and I'd hate for him to target you."

"I'll be careful," Q promised.

"And James?"

James had no idea how Mycroft knew he was standing there, but he said, "Yes, Mycroft?"

"Please be on the alert. Despite my brother's attestation to be cautious, I think we both know that he often acts without thinking." 

Case in point being him, James supposed. "I'll need to know more of the story, but I'll get that from Q later."

"I will also send you a file for your perusal."

"Good," James said. "Thank you."

"I'll let you get back to your morning. Things are going well?"

Now that John had alerted him to it, James thought he could hear the actual concern in Mycroft's voice.

"Well," Q began cautiously, "I'm not sure M is very happy with me."

"Irrelevant," Mycroft said. "Are you pleased with your promotion?"

"I am," Q said, taking James' hand in his and squeezing tight. James wrapped his arm around Q's shoulder.

"I’m glad to hear it. And no prurient activity in the office," Mycroft said disapprovingly and hung up.

Q sighed and looked around. "I can't believe he has me under surveillance so quickly."

James thought he was taking that idea well. James, on the other hand, wasn't. "Aren't you concerned?"

"No," Q said dismissively. "I'll find it and destroy it, and then he'll have to find a way to get another one placed. It's a game we play."

"I suppose playing catch wasn't on the family agenda?"

Q grinned at that, tugging James closer. "Are you mad at me for making you sleep in?"

"Why didn't you want me here?" James asked, carding his fingers through Q's hair. "I wanted to be here to support you."

"I know you did, but I felt as if I had to do this on my own, at least at the very start. And you still continue to be very distracting."

James laughed softly. "You're forgiven. Just don't make it a habit." He gestured at the door. "As much as I'd love to have my way with you, I believe your kingdom awaits you." He leaned in, "And you will be using me for any further demonstrations."

"I'd love to," Q said, smiling, almost shivering with joy, and James wondered if his toes were curling in his shoes.

The End


End file.
